Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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