You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
