my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Girls should come with a carfax report
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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