my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Did I show you my penis last night?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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