I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
