im drinking this country out of the recession.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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