Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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