five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
