I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Randomize
