Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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