Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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