I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
