Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
