apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
birth control should be required to get into college
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
