Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
