So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
