im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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