Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
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