That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
