i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
