eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
