i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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