But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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