Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
