....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
