You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
