So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
We left the knife in your bed.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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