i permit you to call me
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
