Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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