Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
