Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Shame - the story of my life.
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