is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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