People in love make me want to vomit
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
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