I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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