who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
