So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
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