I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
