we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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