That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
