was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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