A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Randomize
