After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
