mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Randomize