you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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