happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
