Do you still have your period?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
