I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
