I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
