i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
