My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
