I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
