dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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