now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
