??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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