Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
