accomplished twins. life is a go
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
