You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
