A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
