my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
There's always time for handjobs
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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