Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
