worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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