Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
