Four minutes until I can fart!
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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