I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
