about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
